Aaron D. Dyer, Pianist
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Disillusionment: Learning to follow Jesus

9/13/2013

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Jesus' invitation to some to follow him (Luke 9) was often met with refusal or delay. Let me go bury my father. Let me say goodbye to my family. 

It was as if they considered it no more than an extended trip. They asked Jesus to wait for them to clear up matters before leaving home. Jesus left them behind as unfit to be followers. 

Jesus was asking them to leave behind a way of thinking...to make an immediate break and just go. Like Abraham, they were asked to go, not knowing where or why.

Why would you leave things behind that you value? I don't think you do -- not until you become disillusioned with these things. In other words, once something is proven to you to be not worth holding on to, you leave it behind.

The longer we hold on to things that have no real value to us, the more the supposed value is an illusion.

I might be able to wear those pants again. No, Dyer, you'll never wear those pants again. After a few years hanging on to them, they cease to become a pair of pants. They are now just an illusion of value that does not exist. Once I accept I will never ever wear those pants again, I will throw them out.

Sometimes, though, it isn't a pair of pants. Sometimes, disillusionment hurts.

At age 18 I helped some friends get my best friend to a surprise birthday party. Birthday Boy had to deal with an unrelenting father who did not know what I was trying to do and didn't care. Homework must be done. Finally I divulged the plot to Birthday Boy, and he helped me get us on the road to the party and promised to act surprised. 

I remember nothing of the party, or even if I attended. I only remember the hostility from the other friends when we got there. They ganged up on me privately to trash me to my face, and say what a bad person I am. I was stunned. I had no idea they would turn on me like that. I was completely disillusioned with the idea that they were true friends and that I could trust them. This ended the relationships...first on their part, then on mine.

Episodes like that give a bad name to something good. I have learned that if I look for disillusionment early on, it is a trusted and loyal friend. I mean, who wouldn't want to find out sooner rather than later that something you put your heart and emotion and money and time into is a total waste? 

Put a different way, could I develop the habit of questioning the value of what I'm doing, and to leave worthless things behind before they blind me to what is right? The answer is yes.

This is what following Jesus means to me. His mission, his purpose in life, his example of the importance of knowing only God as the source and substance of my being and of how this heals myself and others. His mission is the only thing of value. And I can learn to distinguish it from other things around me.

When I consider this I feel like the publican in the temple who weeps in prayer and says, "God, help me!"

If you were in the ocean with only a small raft to hold on to, would you pray for God to forgive you for being stranded in the ocean? No! This would be absurd. You're thinking, "I want to live! I want to love for another day! I want to survive and see tomorrow!"

This is how I feel about not truly following Jesus. I feel surrounded by a vast ocean of worldly cares. It's not a real ocean, though, right? And these worldly cares are an illusion. They have no value outside of being opportunities to demonstrate God's healing power in them.

But, like a dream, we are stranded in that ocean until we wake up. The ocean seems real while we dream it. We wake up, tell ourselves it's just a dream. Then we fall asleep and dream again. 

To follow Jesus is to be constantly disillusioned. It is to be continually reminded of how worthless things are without a spiritual purpose to them.

This doesn't mean we should all go do some stereotypical "religious" things. To the contrary, I say: Do what you do best. Do the heck out of that thing, whatever it is, and don't do other things that are not true to you.

Question these things every day. Ask yourself if what you're doing or keeping has value. If the answer is no, stop. Get rid of it. Stop thinking of it.

It may start with an old pair of pants, but Jesus' mission is at the end of the road.

September 13, 2013
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